Winter Break Finale: The Ibrah

This winter break will come to its end in 2 days. Well it is kind of mixed feeling inside here as sometimes I wish for more longer holiday for homeworks and sometimes I wish it was over so that I would not wasting time doing nothing. 2 weeks seems pretty short considering I was travelling for a week. Anyway Vermont was awesome!

Those were not the thing that I was thinking to write about. This 2 weeks holiday seems pretty short, but full of lessons. Life lessons.  A valuable one I shall say. 

An advice from a friend:

Do you want to build a building with a broken foundation and hoping it will sustain forever? 

 The words explained by itself I suppose. Anyway, lets build a whole new foundation and make sure it is stronger this time, shall we? Speaking of truth, to demolish a building and start it over wasn't that easy.'Tetapkan hati' is the key!
Oh by the way, thanks for the advice, brother!

Somebody questioned me why I seems to have lots of problem even though our immediate surrounding was almost the same. Same school, same degree and same circle of friend. I couldn't think of an answer at that particular time, but now I had one. Be glad (Bersyukur)! Allah chose me and not you. I'm glad that Allah chose me to face the challenges. You should be glad that Allah didn't choose you to face the problem. We don't know how much burden that we could put into our shoulder, but Allah knows.

Stowe mountain was awesome, the trail was tempting. But the mountain also showed me to know your limits. Malay proverbs, "Ikut hati mati, ikut badan binasa". There was one time that I really want to go up the mountain, but I know that I was not fit anymore to go down the trail. My way down was horrible, felt down every 2 minutes. After I finished my horrible way down, I was eager to go back up again. Just because there was still one hour and a half left before the mountain closed even though I knew that I will be killing myself to go down later. I finally decided its enough. I need to consider my obligation to my own body over the desire. The desire can be destructive sometimes.

Stowe, Vermont! 

Here is several things about advice. Everyone needs it, there is no reason that someone can't give advice to somebody else. Anyway, there are several things that need to be considered. Don't simply tell someone you need to be patient, accept what happened! If someone ask for advice, s/he already did those thing beforehand. There are also skills in giving advice, using personal experiences seem to work best as it kind of proven that it work and might work again. For the person who seeks advises, choose the person you refer to  so that they can give a good advice or you might ended up frustrating on the advise you get.

"Lepak-ing" and talking about current and futures issues with fellow friends was a nice way to fill up the free time. But talking about constructive issue, it would turn your free time into a valuable one. Tim Horton again, anyone?

Kedai Mamak, US edition. 

I could go on and on to list what I had learned for this two weeks, but this is it for now.

Oke bye!

The Shattered Mirror.

Did we ever consider that the broken mirror can be a whole again?

Or maybe we are more concern about the crack that left rather than about the mirror that reform?

Lets put the shattered glass together again, shall we?

So that I could see an image of myself again, not 2, and not 3. Not even thousand!

To make sure I can still see myself from a perspective.

And I don't have to move myself left and right, to fit my whole image into the broken glass.

Even so, I still couldn't fit my whole self into all of the shattered glass either.

But why the mirror was broken at the first place?

Was that a rock thrown that directly hit the mirror?

Or was that resonance that vibrates the mirror so violently that shattered all the glass away?

Or was that the pieces were too old to hold themselves together and suddenly broken away?

I don't have a clue or a glue. I wish I had.

Does it makes any different for now?

As the shattered glasses were swept away, by the wind of time?

I want to catch every pieces of it, keep it in a safe place. Until the time I had the glue.

But it were broken glasses for God's sake. Hurting myself more if I try to catch it.

Don't worry, the story does not end here. Same goes to the sadness.

Here come the sad part.

I don't remember how I look like in those mirror.

To rephrase that, I don't remember when the last time I look through the mirror.

I sometimes don't notice the mirror was there.

I don't clean them from dust, put them up to be seen.

I walked through the mirror back and forth, without stopping to appreciate it.

One day, it shattered away.

Speechless? I am. Crying? Done that.

It just because I don't appreciate it when its there!

Talking about past wasn't doing any good, right?

The mirror will not resemble again despite the words and tears.

So lets talk about reality.

I have shattered glasses everywhere, that seems hard to be resembled.

Maybe it's good to leave it that way.

or trying to find the clue and live with it.

or trying to find the glue and put it together.

It doesn't seem easy in near future though.

Finding a new mirror? No it is irreplaceable.

No definite solution might best describe the situation.

That's fine for now, I'll live with it.

La Tahzan, Innallaha Ma'ana.

Redhaku Dimulut atau Dihati?

Tika diberi satu nikmat, 

hamba Allah tidak teringat, 

Itu hanya satu alat, 

Untuk menguji persedian Akhirat. 

Pelbagai perkara aku lalui, 

Pelbagai pelajaran aku dapati, 

Namun tiada ibrah yang mengikuti, 

Perjalanan hidup sehari hari.

Sifat manusia memang begitu, 

tidak akan menghargai sesuatu, 

Sebelum hilang tidak ketemu, 

Menyesal pula tidak membantu. 

Ingin aku ceritakan, 

Kisah aku kepada teman, 

Agar menjadi suatu pengajaran, 

Bukan niat untuk perhatian. 

Pernah aku suatu masa,  

Tidak bersujud buat seketika, 

Batasan fizikal yg tidak disangka, 

Sungguh membuatku cukup kecewa. 

Tidak mampu diri ini, 

Menyembah bumi menyeru Illahi. 

Baru mngetahui nilai sejati, 

Nikmat sujud kepada Illahi. 

Kadang kala kita alpa, 

Semua nikmat tuhan yang punya, 

Kita anggap kekal selamanya, 

Diambil mudah dan sambil lewa.

Mari kawan kita semua, 

Hargai nikmat yang kita ada, 

Terutama keluarga yang tercinta, 

Sekali hilang tiada gantinya. 

Keluarga itu nikmat Illahi, 

Yang harus kita syukuri, 

Jangan dibiar sekali kali, 

Sementara masih bernafas dibumi.

Bayangkanlah wahai para teman,
Tanpa keluarga memberi sokongan, 

Mampukah kamu mara kehadapan,
Menghadapi liku liku kehidupan?

Wahai ayah dan ibuku,
Tidak mampu kubalas pengorbananmu,
Walau setinggi gunung usahaku,
atau seluas lautan ikhtiarku. 

Kepada ayah dan ibuku, 

Ingin aku kucupi tanganmu, 

Berterima kasih kerana menjagaku, 

Memohon ampun kerana khilafku,

Kakak dan adikku yang diingati,
Walaupun apapun yang terjadi,
Jangan sesekali pertalian darah ini,

 Diputus dirobek sama sekali. 

Mungkin aku tidak sempurna, 

Menjadi anak lelaki yang berguna, 

Namun akan kucuba sedaya upaya, 

Agar menjadi manfaat bersama. 

Sungguh demi Allah yang satu, 

Aku sayang akan keluargaku, 

Janganlah ditarik nikmat itu, 

Namun takdir itu milikMu.

Ya Allah Ya Tuhanku, 

Takdirkanlah yang terbaik untukku, 

Sesungguhnya aku antara hambaMu, 

Yang sentiasa mengharap kepadamu atas setiap sesuatu. 

Ya Allah, jika ini takdirMu, 

Aku terima ketentuan itu, 

Kerana aku yakin akan janjiMu, 

Inilah yang terbaik bagiku. 

Ya Allah Ya Rabbi,  

Jadikanlah redha dimulut ini

Tersemat kental didalam hati, 

Supaya ku yakin mengabdi diri.

Sekian saja coretanku ini, 

Sekadar luahan dimalam hari, 

Ambillah ibrah yang dijumpai, 

Tinggalkanlah khilaf yg tersembunyi. 

Of Cruelty and Inner Me

I am standing in front of the tree,

Looking at the hive of the bee,

Trying hard to sneak around the leaf,

To reach the top and be free.

There is a time of the dark,

Where I was afraid to try my luck,

Crossing the road in NYC,

Without looking left or right to see.

There is a hand on the opposite side,

Waving left and right calling for me,

The face was unclear and blurry

Drive the curiosity all over me. 

In need to quench the thirst of curiosity,

I was about to cross the car sea,

Until there is whisper that say to me,

There’s nothing there actually.

If it was just me, nothing will happened to the knee,

Nailed straight down to the earth by destiny,

Freeze out by the wind of the city,

I’m surrounded by the thirst of curiosity.

Suddenly there is force that pushed the back,

The next time I realize, I was back on track,

With adrenaline rushed through my throat and neck,

I cross the road without looking back.

I look around to find the force,

That helps me to go through the course,

Nothing out there that resemble the force,

Except for me of course.

It could be me,

The inner me,

To push the threshold,

Of man and humanity.

The success is near yet far,

Block by the bee in the middle of the war,

Discourage every patriot that doesn’t pass the par.

Of self esteem, courage and everything in the jar.

Hey my inner me,

Lets climb this tree,

So that we could be happy,

Living out of this cruelty.

Salam Aidilfitri.

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri. Harap dimaafkan kekhilafan diri andai terkata, terusik, terkutuk, tersinis dan bermacam macam lagi ter!

Ada satu kekecewaan raya kali ni,
virtual communication seems to overtake the social interaction.

Come on people, lets celebrate raya wirelessly!

Will be in the States in 4 days!

Berinti Peria, Berselaput Gula.

Satu penipuan jika kukatakan, 

Jahilliyyah itu tiada kemanisan, 

Bahagia dalam setiap tindakan, 

Yang jauh dari landasan. 

Namun tidak aku sedari, 

Manis itu tidak abadi, 

Berteraskan pahit tak terperi,

Hanya bertujuan untuk mengaburi. 

Manis itu sedap kumamah,

Sehingga pahit datang menjengah,

Aku ingin berpaling tadah, 

Dari cengkaman Jahilliyah!

Palingan itu tidak lama, 

Pengaruh Jahilliyah datang semula, 

Tidakku kuat menangkis segala,

Kemanisan yang berganda-ganda. 

Manis itu mahal harganya, 

Walaupun ia hanyalah sementara, 

Kesannya tidak pergi jua, 

Ditambah pahit di terasnya. 

Pahitnya sehingga terduduk!

Tetapi Allah sudah tuliskan, 

Hanya Dia yg berpengetahuan, 

Kenapa aku diberi kemanisan, 

Dan pahit di pengakhiran. 

Cemburu daku kepada si teman, 

Azalinya terpelihara tiada celaan, 

Kelihatan lengkap dari luaran, 

Jauh jahiliyyah sebagai cabaran. 

Aku sedar akan sesuatu, 

Dalaman mereka siapa yang tahu, 

Cabarannya yang tidak menentu,

Mungkin lebih hebat dariku.

Liku pada jalan itu menjadi saksi di hari pengakhiran! 

Perjalanan kita mungkin berbeza, 

Dek perbezaan daya upaya, 

Namun tujuannya tetap sama, 

Pengembalian pada Yang Saksama. 

Selepas refleksi kejadian ini, 

Aku yakinkan akan diri, 

Terdapat hikmah yang tersembunyi, 

Disebalik segala aturan Illahi.

Jahiliyyah memberi daku kanta, 

Disaat mataku rabun membuta, 

Untuk mengenal serpihan kaca, 

Ataupon kilauan butiran permata

Taktala teman sudah berkanta,

Aku masih meraba-raba, 

Namun aku harus redha, 

Sesungguhnya inilah takdirNya!

Kanta itu sungguh berjasa,

Mengajar aku pengajaran berguna,

Bahawa hidup sekali sahaja,   

Oleh itu jangan disia. 

Ukhuwah Fillah!

Tidak juga aku lupa, 

Allah memberiku rakan sahaya, 

Yang datang membawa cahaya, 

Menyuluh jalan agar tidak buta. 

Marilah kawan mari teman, 

Mungkin kita berbeza jalan, 

Carilah kanta dan perhatikan, 

Kaca dan permata dihadapan. 

Wahai kamu temanku, 

Elaklah kaca dijalanmu, 

Kutiplah permata yang beribu, 

Buat berjumpa Allah Yang Satu!

Syukur ingin aku ucapkan, 

Kepadamu Allah ya tuhan, 

Kantamu akan aku gunakan, 

Untuk terus berada dilandasan. 

.

Farhan Syahir

 9 Julai 2012

3:21 AM

Kuantan, Pahang. 

Summer Updates!

1. Finally the ACL had been fixed after 9 month. What's left is another 9 month recovery for soccer again.

2. Oh wait, ski? Maybe on March or April, or no at all. We'll see.

3. Now the intensive physiotherapy seems to progress well. I can walk again within a week. Maybe faster than everyone else in that physio gym.

4. The physio is not a simple thing though. Its better not to do the operation if you are lazy for that physio session. It's time consuming and boring, unless you get a good and "happy go lucky" groups like mine!

5. The Medterm progress was so slow. I'm glad I drop Online writing seminar. Can hospitalization be the reason?

6. I might not do the practical with that UIA lecturer though. It will be difficult if I went to physio thrice a week, and 2 days for practical?

7. Oh wait, the thumb seems unfixable. Another deform eh. hurmmm...

8. Need to start losing weight real soon. Or I might stuck at this heavyweight without having chance to lose it anymore.

9. The niat is there, but the motivation is gone! Or maybe I should create one. O Allah, ease me to continue my niat.

10. Finally, Kuantan after 2 weeks! It's been a long week though.

11. Need to get some serious thing to do, or I'll be distracted with lagho thing for the whole holiday. I need something serious and legit.

12. It's been a while since the last Usrah.. I started to miss them.

13. I always do something halfway! I'm not forgetting it, just delay it for later and never do it. That's me. Oh I dont like it at all though,.

14. This rambling was written on the last night on the hospital bed and it's 2 am already! Good nite!